Summary and book review of “Real World Seduction” : To seduce women, a man must be the PRIZE, i.e., he must make sure that the woman chases him and not the other way around; for this, the man must create a frame implying that it is the woman who chases him and not he who chases her; this is done in particular by defining and assuming the frame, making cold readings, telling stories, building rapport, and using many other techniques that this book reveals to us.
Note: “Real World Seduction” is not part of the Personal MBA, but I decided to finish each category with a book outside of it. And I simply could not finish the Psychology & Communication category without reviewing this book that absolutely revolutionized my relationship with women and my approach to human relations in general. What he teaches – frames, the art of creating rapport, storytelling, etc; has a much more universal reach than mere seduction and is a true textbook of psychology and applied sociology.
By Swinggcat, 94 pages, 2003.
Book review and summary of Swinggcat’s “Real World Seduction”:
In high school, Swinggcat was a shy, introverted, tech-savvy student: he was what he calls himself a nerd. And of course, his social difficulties didn’t help him to seduce girls. He could barely speak to them without blushing. Once in high school, he read a few books on the art of seduction; changed his look, and got a trendy haircut.
Did it work?
Yes! He had some nice and pretty girlfriends, but as soon as he arrived at college, his sex life literally collapsed.
After a few months of sexual abstinence, he managed to sleep with what he called a “warpig”; “a fat woman with a mustache”, and when he woke up the next day; half suffocated by her breast and very depressed, he realized he had to do something about that part of his life. Some people told him that taking care of that was a superficial matter and not a priority, but deep down it seemed damn important to him. And from that moment; he began to make conscious efforts to become better at seducing women.
Note: this episode reminds me of a passage of Fabrice Luchini at Mireille Dumas, when he explains that he went to see prostitutes “because you have the potatoes at the bottom of the bag and you’re kind of on edge” and that after, he felt extremely depressed (see the video: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4w0ra, the passage is around 6:30). I think this kind of episode is common to many men.
Swinggcat studied many books, many videos on the subject, and practiced seduction for years. These resources helped him for a while, but the real results came when, gradually; he stopped seducing or winning over women and began to become the prize. It’s by analyzing the techniques of the greatest seducers, and by gaining himself great experience; that he understood two fundamental things:
- Women, unlike men, understand intuitively how to be the PRIZE and how to make men chase them.
- You must understand the nature of the beast in order to make it run after you. Swinggcat spent most of his time with women, not men, to learn how to be the PRIZE.
What lessons did he learn?
Find out through this guide.
Chapter 2: Attributes of the men who are the PRIZE
When he was younger, Swinggcat always had the impression that women judged the worth of a man according to the things he owned; his physical appearance, his clothes, his car, his house; and so on. But in college he knew a man who had none of that; he was old, ugly, bald, poor, and had nothing at all that he thought was necessary to please women.
Even so, he was still surrounded by beautiful women, who flirted with him, called him, and slept with him. For a long time, Swinggcat didn’t understand how he did it, he even thought for a moment that he was a dealer. But then he realized that this man was doing some things that showed the women that he was THE PRIZE, and since then, Swinggcat has met many men who had certain attributes or did some things that showed the same thing. What are they?
Here they are:
Being a leader.
Most beautiful women are very excited by a strong and dominant man who leads. Women will often try to take the lead of the encounter to test how sure of himself the man is. And if they discover that he is unsure of himself or has low self-esteem, they will run away most of the time or simply stop being attracted to him.
Having high standards.
This is an important part of what makes these men THE PRIZE. Men who have high standards convey in their attitude and behavior two beliefs:
- Most women want to sleep with them.
- They let women know that they will not sleep with them if they don’t meet their standards, expectations or rules.
Bringing them into their world.
Men who are the PRIZE make sure to bring women to their own playground. Of course, this only applies at the beginning of a relationship.
Making them accommodate them.
Men repel women as they try too hard to accommodate themselves. Most of us know men who, when they want to seduce a woman, begin to love everything she loves, to be careful that everything goes as she wishes, and so on. It’s a mistake. Men who are PRIZE make sure that women accommodate them.
Almost all beautiful women love men who put them to the test in the right way.
Having a sense of humor.
When a man makes a woman laugh, he makes her feel comfortable. This means that she stops analyzing every move he makes, and her defenses fall. Humor is often one of the sexiest non-physical qualities women find in a man.
Women – like men, in fact – are wary of people who seem too perfect: it doesn’t exist. It is very useful to reveal some weaknesses and vulnerabilities during the first hours.
In addition to weaknesses and vulnerabilities, it’s useful to display certain flaws and features that are normally considered to be handicaps in seduction and in life. Coupled with an attitude that shows that a man is the PRIZE, it means, despite these flaws, I am smart enough and strong enough to get by and seduce other women. And even if I don’t sleep with you, my genes will survive anyway because I have so many opportunities to meet other attractive women.
Women like men who are self-confident. That goes without saying.
Being a dandy.
Most men successful with women are both very masculine and have a certain feminine charm. Women find irresistible men who have a feminine sense of style and humor; are attentive to the details that only women notice and judge women in the way women judge men.
Being enticing and seductive.
We must face the facts: women love drama. If this weren’t the case, most soap operas would have been canceled a long time; (men don’t watch these horrible shows unless they are gay). Obviously, the fact that they like drama doesn’t mean that they want terrible things to happen to them. This means that women love to be around people – especially men – who put them on an emotional roller coaster ride. That means that they love men who will make them feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness to joy or excitement – like a roller coaster ride.
Being an adventurer.
This type of seducer is one that offers women adventure and danger. Like the enticing seducer, the adventurer is a master in the art of creating an emotional roller coaster because the women are unable to predict what he will do, which maintains an exciting suspense.
Chapter 3: The attributes women hate
Just as there are attributes that women love, there are others that they hate:
- Men who seek the validation of women.
- Men who have a weak sense of reality. These are the men who are unsure of themselves or of their beliefs about the world. Or who are sure of themselves but feel intimidated to tell women. In fact, women are attracted to men who can think for themselves and say what they think or like.
Chapter 4: Beliefs
Beliefs are important for two reasons:
- Beliefs are the groundwork for strong frames (detailed below) that will lead to PRIZING women.
- What you think becomes reality – to a certain extent, of course. This is because our mind is designed to focus on finding examples of our beliefs in the real world. And it works whether our belief is close to reality or completely far-fetched.
Note: This second point explains why many people have long believed that sacrificing young virgins would grow crops or win victories in battles, just like many other beliefs that are at the root of the emergence of religions. But he also explains how brilliant scientists have been able to perceive the truth where all their contemporaries were wrong – helped by the scientific method of verifying their beliefs – the hypotheses – through experiments.
To understand how it works, do this: look around and be aware of everything that is yellow. Now close your eyes and try to remember the yellow things. Good. Then try to remember the red things in your environment. Do you remember more yellow or red things?
It’s the same mechanism that comes into play when you buy a new car and you suddenly start seeing the same model as yours everywhere: there are no more cars of this model than before, it’s just that you pay more attention to it (it doesn’t work obviously if you ride in Ferrari 😉).
It is possible to use this mechanism of beliefs in a conscious way by adopting beliefs that make you the PRIZE among women: your mind will then begin to find evidence of this in the real world.
Beliefs that convey the fact that we are the PRIZE:
- Have the unwavering belief that you are the PRIZE – no matter how obsessive it is.
- The unwavering conviction that women are wonderful creatures who love sex and want to please.
- You know a woman and her body better than herself.
- No matter how the woman reacts, there is always something good to learn.
- When a woman tells you she doesn’t like something about you or what you’re doing, it’s her problem, not yours (This applies to the first meeting).
- No matter how she reacts to you (or her current situation), she wants you. All you need is to set up right frame for that to happen.
- You don’t need her validation; she is looking for yours.
- All women want you to some extent. The question is: do you want them?
- Since she tries to seduce you, you decide whether to sleep together.
You will note that many women themselves have most of these beliefs about men.
Chapter 5: Introduction to Frames and the Meta-Frames
The notion of frame is of extreme importance here.
A frame is a goal or a general direction that serves as a guide for thoughts or actions during an interaction. Thus, a frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviors and actions.
An example to illustrate this:
A man approaches a girl in a bar and says: “You are so beautiful!” and the girl answers him rudely, “Yeah, yeah… now go and get me a drink.” The man answers: “Of course, anything you want, darling”.
And another example:
A man approaches a girl in a bar and talks a bit with her. After a while, the girl tells him, “pay me a drink”. The man laughs and says, “Is this your best pick-up line? I thought you were more creative than that.”
In both cases, the men create by their behaviors and their words totally different frames.
Let’s look at the frames set up by the first man:
- He’s a pushover, since he is rewarding rude behavior.
- He is interested in her no matter what.
- He tries to make her stay and talk with him.
With these frames, this is how the man allows the underlying meaning of his behaviors and actions to be defined. Unfortunately for him, it reinforces the meta-framework (encompassing all other frames) that the girl is the PRIZE. This meta-frame will not enable this man to sleep with her.
But the underlying meanings of these frames have no objective reality, they exist only in the minds of human beings. Therefore, when a woman tells you something rude and you reassure her, you are in her frame. When you say something to a woman and she reassures you, she is in your frame. But this is not an objective reality. It’s just what a person accepts as their subjective reality.
The second man is more likely to sleep with the woman, because instead of diving headfirst into the woman’s frame that she is the PRIZE and he has to pay her a drink, he reverses the situation and maintains the belief that he is the PRIZE. The woman may or may not adhere to this frame, but if she doesn’t, the man conveys the message that he is not willing to reinforce her meta-frame.
Note: this notion of frame and meta-frame is very important for the understanding of the book “Real World Seduction”, so it is essential that you understand it for the future 😉.
Chapter 6: Establishing the Meta-Frame
Once you understand the concepts of frames and meta-frames, it is important to know how to define, maintain, and control the meta-frame, in which, you are the PRIZE. Often, if you lose control of the meta-frame for the benefit of the woman, you lose your chances with her.
There are four steps to defining and controlling the meta-frame:
- Defining the meta-frame, including the beliefs seen above.
- Taking on the meta-frame in advance, which means that before you even speak to a woman you will integrate the fact that the overall underlying meaning of all her behaviors and actions will fit into the meta-frame.
- The art of not choosing her. Deep inside, attractive women assume that most men would sleep with them in a second if they had the opportunity. In most cases, they assume that they are accepting or rejecting the proposal of the man. Various traditions generally endorsed by society help reinforce this assumption:
- The man traditionally asks the woman if she wants to dance. She can accept or reject the proposal.
- The man traditionally asks the woman out on a date. She can accept or reject the proposal.
- The man traditionally asks the woman to marry him. She can accept or reject the proposal.
Perhaps this is why most women who are interested in a man don’t try to win him over, they make him the one who wins them over. Thus oftentimes, when a beautiful woman finds herself attracted by a man, instead of approaching him, she will send him diverse and varied signals, in the hope that he approaches her.
It is a brilliant meta-frame because even when they are originally interested in the man, they make him the one who seduces them. And that gives them great power because they know that most men will easily adhere to the meta-frame, in which they are the PRIZE.
But it’s a double-edged sword because:
- Women often have a nagging fear that a man will sleep with them only because they have accepted him – not because he really appreciates them.
- If a man adheres too much to this meta-frame that she is the PRIZE, and tries too hard, then she will start to see him as of little interest and value. She will begin to think, “Why does he feel the need to do all these things for me? Is he that desperate?”
To avoid this, it is necessary, from the beginning, for a man to not choose the woman before she has chosen him. For this, the best way is to define the meta-frame like this:
- You are the PRIZE.
- She is trying to get you to liker her or trying to win you over.
- She wants you so bad that she is trying to make you sleep with her.
- You will sleep together, but only if she meets your standards and expectations.
4 – Setting frames that define the meta-frame
It’s by setting up frames that you will define the meta-frame. Here are 9 very powerful ones:
- Framing one or more of her actions, behaviors, or things about her as meaning that she is not good enough for me or can’t handle me (implying that I am the PRIZE).
- Framing one or more of her actions as meaning that she is interested and trying to seduce me.
- Or framing one or more of her actions as meaning that she is a little crazy.
- Framing one or more of her actions as meaning she lacks class.
- Framing one or more of her actions, behaviors, or things about her as meaning that she is socially unfit, which implies that I am cool and she is not, that I can judge her behaviors but she can’t judge mine.
- Accusing her of not really living the life she wants to live (or accusing her of envying me).
- Framing one or more of her actions, behaviors, or things about her as meaning that she is somewhat unpleasant. Women often do this with men, and there is nothing that disturbs her more than letting her know that I find her unpleasant.
- Or framing one or more of her actions, behaviors, or things about her as meaning she is sleazy.
- Framing one or more of her actions and behaviors as showing that she is harsh, impolite or insensitive (which implies that she doesn’t meet my standards and expectations).
Notice that, just like the beliefs mentioned above, these frames are often used by women on men. They’re not used to having them being used on themselves, so it’s extremely powerful, especially if you make them laugh at the same time, you put them in place.
Part 2 of “Real World Seduction”: Prizability
The first part of “Real World Seduction” was focused on the attributes, beliefs, and frames needed to be the PRIZE. Here are some techniques to increase your PRIZABILITY. Prizability is simply both the ability of a man to make a woman see him as THE PRIZE, and the extent to which the woman sees him as the PRIZE.
Nonetheless, all these techniques involve making an important distinction between:
Some men try to make themselves seen as the PRIZE by showing off their assets, so men who boast about what they do in life, the car they drive, etc. But men who have a constant need to boast about their assets are perceived by women as unsure of themselves, and sometimes even trying to compensate for something they don’t have. Women call this “trying too hard“.
Furthermore, flaunting your assets sets the frame with the underlying meaning that you are trying to impress a woman. And that implicates the meta-frame: she is the PRIZE and you’re trying to win her over.
It is much more effective to learn to demonstrate your assets without the women believing you are bragging. Doing this is a challenge, but the reward is worth the effort, because often the women to whom you will have shown your assets without bragging will see you as the PRIZE, and will perhaps brag about their own assets to try to win you over.
Chapter 7: A few words on style
Being considered beautiful is an important part of prizability, but most women consider a man who simply has a quality look that suits him as good looking.
So, you need to take an interest in style and fashion. You can start with sites like Bonne gueule to train you, then continue by posting photos of yourself on sites like hotornot, which will allow you to collect notes to evaluate what others think of your style.
Chapter 8: How to meet women
The ability to approach a woman is very important because it will largely determine your prizability, simply because women will judge you on how you go about it.
Now that we have seen the frames that imply whether you are the PRIZE or not, you understand that approaching a woman by saying “You are very beautiful. What is your name?” is not the best approach, because in five seconds you have 1) showed that the woman is the PRIZE by telling her that she is beautiful and 2) showed interest by asking her name.
It is always best not to ask questions in the beginning and just talk: if she is interested, she will ask questions. The ideal is to initiate contact with a woman in any way, then start the discussion with opening lines.
Just like chess, where there are only a small number of possible effective openings at the beginning, and very quickly millions of different combinations, you can use ready-made lines to initiate a conversation with an unknown person, like “do you have a light?” but much less cliche 🙂. These sentences are called openers. There are thousands. They can also be used to initiate contact.
An example of an opener:
I would like your opinion on something… a friend of mine suspects her roommate of sleeping with her boyfriend. So, she read her roommate’s diary… and unfortunately, she was right…her roommate was sleeping with her boyfriend… So, the question is…should she face her roommate or not?
It’s a good opener because women love gossip and drama.
Chapter 9: Cold Reading
Cold reading simply suggests that one is making an extremely relevant analysis of a person you don’t know by using generalizations – things that many humans have in common. It’s a technique used by many magicians. It works well, because, in general, we are so self-absorbed that we like to believe that extremely common things are specific to us, especially when it touches us emotionally.
Note: This is completely in line with Dale Carnegie’s vision of the ego in How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Women love to meet men who give the impression of knowing them better than themselves, mentally and physically.
The key to a successful cold reading is to be vague. A good way to be vague is to speak in terms of “part of her” or “side of her”. This way, you can say things like “You look innocent, but there is a part of you that is very malicious”.
Chapter 10: Storytelling or the Art of Telling Stories
As stated in Influence and Manipulation and Made to Stick – Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die, being able to tell entertaining stories that capture attention is not only important to increasing our prizability: it’s essential to have good social skills.
When you become good at telling funny and entertaining stories, people will remember you for months. Beyond the content, there are two important skills to master to tell a story:
- Rhythm and flow: It’s important to balance the rhythm and flow of your story. You must know how to pause at the right time. It will come naturally with experience.
- Transitions: It’s important to bring the stories naturally into the conversation, and for that, you have to use transitions. A good transition is to tell a woman “You remind me of…” and transition into it. For example, you can say “Oh my God… when you make this expression, you remind me of Bugsy” (Bugsy is your rabbit). Then you tell the story of Bugsy.
What is important when you tell a story is to demonstrate your assets without seeming to brag about them: it is, therefore, necessary that the focus of the story is not your assets, but that they appear rather derived, almost accidental, or on the contrary, that they seem logically necessary to that part of the story.
Example of a story:
“Sometimes we think we’re not going to like something, but we end up loving it. For example, I recently took the train from the Netherlands to Prague. When I went through the Czech Republic, the border police came to check my passport. Then a guy who exchanged currencies asked me if I wanted to exchange my euros for crowns (the money of the Czech Republic). I said no (because ATMs had a better exchange rate). So, a few minutes later, the border police came back. They asked again to see my passport. I gave them it.
Then I started to get a little worried when they refused to give it back to me. Since they did not speak English, they asked me to come with them. They took me to the back of the train and began to search me. They kept talking to me in Czech, but I didn’t understand anything. So, they brought back the guy who was exchanging money and he explained to me that the border police decided that I had committed some sort of crime but could not translate into English. He told me that I had to pay nine crowns and that they would not accept euros or US dollars.
So, I was forced to exchange my money for crowns. At that moment I thought: this country is run by a gang of mafia anarchists (I was going to hate my stay in the Czech Republic). But I was wrong. My stay in Prague ended with one of the most memorable moments of my life.”
This story subtly shows that he who tells it has traveled a lot and that he has experienced interesting adventures, without appearing at any time wanting to brag about them.
Chapter 11: Rapport
Here, the word “rapport” is used in a general sense that includes mutual understanding, comfort, and connection. It’s important to create rapport with the women you are interested in – and human beings in general – but overall, if you are trying to create rapport with beautiful women before they have seen your PRIZABILITY, then they will often put you in a frame meaning that you are in need and that you are trying too hard, and will be able to leave you the famous “Let’s be friends”.
In general, if you have laid out the meta-frame that you are the PRIZE, then the women will look for themselves to create rapport with you, which will reinforce this meta-frame.
Here are some ways to create rapport or make sure that women create it with you:
Finding commonalities between two people instantly creates rapport. Be careful however not to look for them in an obvious way, it would show that you are in need. For this, you can use:
- Shared experiences: A good commonality is an experience you both lived. But rather than hammering a woman with a lot of questions and pretending to have the same experiences, it’s best to tell stories about your experiences and your life in an interesting, intriguing way, and showcasing it. This way, it is the woman who will try to build rapport with your experiences and hers, which maintains the meta-frame, in which, you are the PRIZE. Thus, following the story mentioned above, a woman will tell you that she likes to travel and will perhaps tell you about the trips that she has experienced.
- Cold reading. Once you have made a general statement and the woman agrees that it applies to her, say, “I know because it’s the same for me”.
Making her relate to your values:
A man who knows how to control the meta-frame in which he is the PRIZE lets the woman know exactly what are his standards, his rules and what he expects from people in life, and the women interested will try to match what he wants. Obviously, you must have previously demonstrated your PRIZABILITY.
Knowing her better than herself:
An excellent way to create rapport is to show that you know her better than herself by showing that you understand her underlying mechanisms, beyond mere words.
Part 3: Becoming the Prize – the Art of Charming
Chapter 12: Open Loops and Subject Changes: A Great Way to Be Intriguing
An excellent way to intrigue a woman and make her interested in us is to simply make her interested in something we say, then put that thing away, which will produce tension and suspense, and then return to it at the right moment. This simple act of putting something that interests her aside will build a massive interest that will hook her on an emotional level.
One of the best techniques for doing this is “open loops”. It is a technique widely used in novels and movies with suspense, leaving a thought, an emotion, or an unfinished feeling. Have you ever watched a movie and just when you thought you’d see the outcome, you realize that there are a lot of unanswered questions and that you’ll have to watch the second movie to understand everything?
How annoying! And damn powerful. It’s a safe bet that you will watch the second movie to close the open loops that the first one introduced. The chapters of the Harry Potter series are built on this principle: each chapter ends leaving many elements in suspense, which makes you want to read a new chapter to learn more, a chapter that introduces new elements all while resolving a few of the unfinished ones, etc.
But this interest is purely emotional: from an intellectual point of view, you know that knowing what happens in this movie or in the next chapter of your Harry Potter will not change your life. This is partly the reason for its strength.
Here are some examples of open-loop:
- If a woman asks you “how are you?” rather than answer a banal “good”, which will not arouse interest, you can tell her, if, for example, you are coming back from traveling: “bad”. This will immediately arouse her interest and she will ask you “why?”. You tell her “I’m coming back from the United States”, without adding anything, then she’ll ask you where you traveled to in the US, why, why you feel bad, and so on.
Moreover, as explained in Influence and Manipulation, if a person commits to something, it will usually be consistent with that commitment, so if a woman starts asking you questions she will inadvertently commit to a frame implying that you have something interesting that she wants to know.
- Everyone loves to hear about themselves, and women are no exception. A great way to introduce an open loop is to interrupt something you say by saying something like “I’m sure you like to get attention,” and then resume the course of your conversation as if nothing had happened. In general, they will take the bait and ask you, “What do you mean by that?”.
Chapter 13: The Push & Pull or the Art of Sending Mixed Signals
What does “Push & Pull” mean?
The push is to push the girl away.
The pull is to pull her in.
Combining the two is extremely powerful, because just as the yin is inseparable from the yang, the push is inseparable from the pull, and using one creates a space, a voltage to use the other, and we are very sensitive to contrasts. In other words, it’s much better to drink water when you’re thirsty after a workout or to get praise when someone has long criticized you.
Note: this concept is similar to the tension seeking resolution discussed in Chapter 6 of The Path of Least Resistance.
It is important to properly dose your Push & Pull and never completely pull in or push away the girl. Consequently, the pull is not the act of gawking at her or being impressed, it’s a compliment or a praise, and the push is not an insult or slamming the door in her face, it’s to tell her things that (1) allude to the possibility of rejection, (2) temporarily reject or disqualify her, and/or (3) reject or disqualify a part of her behavior or herself.
Women are often experts in the unconscious use of push & pull. As a result, some women like to make men believe that it is possible that the relationship will go beyond a mere friendship, and are offered cinemas, restaurants, etc., and if the man makes a statement or insinuates that he wants more, they will answer: “You are like my little brother… Please don’t talk to me about that…” or “That’s cute, you thought there was something between us… You know we’re just friends, I prefer to stay like this, it would be a shame to ruin everything!”
Some examples of powerful Push & Pull on women:
- You know, you could be my new girlfriend… (Pull). [Short silence] No I’m kidding, you’re blonde/small/hysterical, it isn’t going to happen (Pull).
- When a woman is attracted to you, pull her in very close as if to kiss her (Pull), then say, “I hope you don’t try to kiss me. You are like my little sister… ” (Push)
- Talk about a difficult situation in a funny way. As she begins to laugh, take a stern look and criticize her for laughing at someone else’s misfortune. Then when she becomes serious, laugh and say that you agree and that it’s really funny. This is the principle of the emotional roller coaster: to feel a certain emotion, then to feel immediately after the exact opposite emotion. This is what soap operas are based on, like The Young and the Restless to keep women in suspense for years and years, and it works despite the stupidity of these soap operas. The writers have a deep understanding of these psychological mechanisms.
- Intentionally undermining: this is a compliment – which will flatter her- and then undermine that initial compliment right after. For example: “You know, you really have beautiful eyes” (Pull). Then right after, look at your fingers starting to count, then say “Actually, I think you have the fourth most beautiful pair of eyes I’ve ever seen” (Push).
Chapter 14: Qualifying and Challenging
Qualifying and challenging means challenging a woman to prove to you that she is qualified to meet your standards, expectations, and rules.
Before you do that, however, you must:
- Be convinced that you are the PRIZE
- Have demonstrated enough PRIZABILITY
- Have shown that you have standards, expectations, and rules
For this last point, you could, for example, expect women to be adventurous, spontaneous, strong, refined, optimistic, etc. And you might not tolerate rudeness, dramatization, venality, etc. It’s up to you to define these standards, expectations and rules.
Then, as soon as the woman starts showing that she is entering your meta-frame, in which you are the PRICE, and gives signs of interest, you can qualify her. This means that you will tell her that it seems to you that she has such or such quality, asking her if it’s true. Most of the time, she will answer, “yes”, especially if you previously said it fit into your standards, and you will be able to play on that answer and the need for coherence that she will have in relation to herself (as beautifully explained in Influence and Manipulation) to guide the interaction.
For example, you could say, “You seem to be adventurous, are you?”.
Once she answered yes, you approve of her by showing her that it fits your standards and by placing a push & pull, for example saying “Well because if you had not been, I would have left, because I’m only friends with adventurous people… And even though you might be adventurous, I don’t know if this friendship will work because I’m not sure you can handle me.”
She will certainly answer by reiterating that she is adventurous or by asking why she couldn’t handle you. You can then answer by asking “What is the most adventurous thing you have done this year?”, etc. You can then much more easily guide the interaction, demonstrate your PRIZABILITY, and, if you like her, go further.
It’s very powerful because you’re challenging a woman to live up to your standards, your expectations and your rules. Moreover, you unknowingly put it in the frame, in which she seeks your validation. Thus, most women interested in you will answer, “yes” to the question, “Are you adventurous?”. Does this mean that most women are adventurous? No, most are not. But most people wish to be seen in a positive light and will easily answer yes to a question that does not seem to engage them and through which they can be seen in a favorable light (as, once again, beautifully demonstrated in Chapter 4 of Influence and Manipulation).
Chapter 15: The Body Language to Performing Push & Pull, Qualifying and Challenging, and Setting Frames
A good part of the push &pull, qualifications, and challenges and frames are communicated not with the words, but with body language.
In fact, if you are confident but are slumped over, looking stiff, having trouble looking at the woman in the eye, you probably will not convey to women the message that you are the PRIZE.
Therefore, the basis is to always stand straight, in a relaxed way, without hunching shoulders, while learning to maintain eye contact with other people.
Next, you can reinforce push &pull and challenge them using your body language. So, you can convey to a girl that she is being qualified by crossing your arms and maintaining strong eye contact.
Conversely, to accept them non-verbally, you can do things like uncrossing your arms, turning to them, smiling, and so on.
Likewise, when you first approach a woman, it’s important not to be totally turned towards her, but to look at her at a 3/4 angle, or on the side. The more you advance in the interaction and the more things you like, the more you’ll look toward her. Then when you pull, you will turn towards her, and you will turn away from her when you push.
Chapter 16: Role Playing as a Powerful Tool for Prizability
Roleplay is the act of playing a fictional character in an equally fictional scenario. We’ve all done it at one time or another, often jokingly.
It is a powerful technique, it’s not reality, but it creates an interaction that creates something real.
For instance, you can say to her:
- You’re awesome. I’m going to marry you, and we’ll have a house by the sea, a Renault, two children and a Labrador, and in the evening, I’ll take you to the beach and we’ll drink some mint sodas as we watch the sunset.
She (laughing): Oh, not a Labrador! I prefer cats!
- Ah you don’t like the Labradors… in that case, I’m asking for a divorce (turning away)
She (still laughing): no, no!
Part 4: Tests and Frames of Women
Chapter 17: Type of Female Tests
Most women’s tests fall into these categories:
- Women intentionally doing something to get a reaction out of you and judge that reaction. Some of the things they will test (especially when you meet them for the first time) are whether you are the PRIZE, if you can control the meta-frame, and if you are a leader.
- Women involuntarily doing something that gets a reaction out of you and judge that reaction. Women often do things the first time, ranging from interrupting you, creating unnecessary drama, to complaining of exaggerated insecurities. To bear these things without flinching will often lead women to judge you in a bad way.
- Women judging something you do and/or say. Allowing a woman to judge you in a bad way without countering it can lead you to lose control of the interaction and the meta-frame.
Chapter 18: Female Frames
Most of the objections and resistance that women put up for not going out or sleeping with some men are not because they don’t like the man, or even that they’re testing him. They are barriers to their fear of putting themselves in a situation where they might do something they’re tempted to do, but that they may regret in the future.
The reason why women do this is not that they have less desire to make love than men, but that 1) they are more socially conditioned to appear to be less promiscuous than men and 2) they are more easily condemned socially for being more promiscuous than men.
Chapter 19: Reframing Female Tests and Frames
You should never respond directly to a female test or frame, because that would reinforce that test or frame. Indeed, a test or a frame exists only in a subjective way, and to answer it directly is to acknowledge the existence of the test or the frame.
For example, a man approaches a woman and starts talking to her. After a while, the woman says to the man, “Are you flirting with me?”. It is both a test for whether the man will be able to continue to lead the interaction and an attempt to impose a frame meaning that if the man speaks to her, it’s because he wants to seduce the woman, and so she is the PRIZE.
The wrong way would be to answer “no, no, why would you think something like that”, which will disqualify you because it will show that you don’t assume that you are seducing her – and you will surely lose your PRIZABILITY and your ability to lead the interaction – and “uh, yes”, as that would reinforce her meta-frame that she is the PRIZE.
You can reframe it in these different ways:
- Redefine. This can be done either by redefining her behavior by giving a different meaning to her words (this content reframing) or by indicating that her accusation fits better with another behavior that you attribute to her (this is context reframing).
Let’s see how this applies to our example:
Woman: “Are you flirting with me?”
Content reframing: “Actually, I’m being sociable. But honey, accusing a guy like me of flirting with you is not a good way to get me to like you. Try to be yourself, it might help… but don’t expect to sleep with me… unless you’re rich.”
Context reframing:: ” Honey, flirting with you would be buying you a drink…if you think that’s flirting with you, maybe you should get out of your house a bit more… maybe those guys around you would try to flirt with you… but you’ll have to be a bit more creative than that with your pickup lines if you want to have me.”
- Return. This is simply taking the test or the reframing of the woman and turning it around so that it applies to her.
Let’s go back to our example:
Woman: “Are you flirting with me?”
– “Is this your way of showing your interest in someone or just your standard pickup line to flirt with sexy guys?”
Chapter 20: Outframing female tests and frames
Another way to regain control of the meta-frame and the interaction is not to reframe, but to go beyond the female test and frame.
This is done by creating a larger frame around the frame of her test or her frame altogether. So, the previous framing “Is this your way of showing your interest in someone or just your standard pickup line for flirting with sexy guys? “; is also an outframe because we attribute an underlying meaning to its sentence, and thus create a frame which includes it.
There are several types of outframes, such as:
- Bad intentions framing: we outframe her test or her frame by defining the meaning of these as having bad intentions from the beginning.
Woman: “Are you flirting with me?”
– “You are just saying that to sleep with me, pervert. But it won’t work with me, I need more foreplay.”
- Undesirable attributes framing: This is about turning the test or frame against the woman, accusing her of having undesirable values or attributes.
Woman: “How old are you?”
– “Oh, you’re too old for me”
– “Oh, you’re too young for me”
- Consequence framing: This is a question of assigning negative consequences to her test or frame.
Woman: “Are you flirting with me?”
– “You’re going to scare guys with this line. Keep it to yourself, or you won’t even be able to find a date on the internet.”
Part 5: It All Together
In this last part and last chapter, Swinggcat tells us how he seduced a woman using a wide range of techniques explained throughout “Real World Seduction”.
Book critique of “Real World Seduction”:
I think some readers won’t take kindly to the content of such a book. Personally, it seems to me that in our freer and less guided society than that of our grandparents, the relationship between men and women is a social problem that causes a great deal of suffering. The rise of individualism and the collapse of the power of many institutions – such as religion or family – has led to both more freedom and opportunity – since we are being forced less our hand – and more aimlessness – since these structures provided well-defined steps with guidance to go from point A to point B in many aspects of life.
And many men, lost between a liberalization of women, which completely transformed their role in two or three generations, the collapse of institutions, the unclearly defined and changing status of man (should he be manly, metrosexual, macho, feminist, etc., should he favor his career or his family, his career or that of his wife, etc) and a greater freedom that leads them to having to take control of their lives, without almost any guidance – too bad if you are shy – find themselves utterly lost and may experience a state of intense and painful frustration, sexually, emotionally or socially.
In such a context, a book like “Real World Seduction ” seems to be both a necessary evil and a chance full of opportunities.
A necessary evil because it’s a direct consequence of the fact that men, women, and societies; rituals and interactions they build are so flawed – as this would make life happier and easier for everyone if it was enough to be fully ourselves and brutally honest all the time! And, as Michel Houellebecq reveals to the narrator of The Possibility of an Island:
The only chance of survival, when one is sincerely in love; is to conceal it from the woman one loves, to pretend to be slightly indifferent at all times. How sad is this simple observation! What an accusation against man! It never occurred to me, however, to challenge this law; or to think of escaping it: love makes us weak, and the weaker of the two is oppressed, tortured, and finally killed by the other, who; on the other hand, oppresses, tortures and kills without meaning any harm, without even experiencing pleasure; with complete indifference; this is what men usually call love.
Seduction is a game
A chance full of opportunities, because seduction is a game; unlike relationships that are not – and, in my opinion; it should ideally allow to establish a frame eliminating as much as possible the psychological; and social conditions to enable women and men to give the best of themselves in order to be able to create, while having fun; a sincere, deep and mutual connection, even if it is only temporary; and which, in my opinion, results in sex in the case of a mutual attraction and the absence of external constraints; like an existing spouse 😉. Thus, the use of techniques that make it possible to both play and to overcome certain social and psychological constraints; enabling everyone to create an 1) actual and 2) more authentic interaction seems to be helpful and legitimate. According to Mystery, another great guru of seduction:
[In creating a connection], the idea is to make her feel that connection with you; to make her feel that you are a real human being on this planet, just as lost as she is; trying to understand something – maybe you have understood a few more things than she has; and so you can bring value to her life – but beyond that, it’s two lonely souls who have found themselves; and would not want to do anything other than to show each other that it’s important to them.
Real World Seduction
Thus, Real World Seduction can enable thousands of men today who are lost, freer but without direction; less guided but more influenced, who often behave like puppies with beautiful women; I was myself like that a few years ago; to both free themselves from the chains of social conditioning imposed by the media and Hollywoodians; and to find anew direction that is more effective, more in step with reality; and that will help to give them back a power the absence of which makes them deeply frustrated and unhappy. Because, like many good books – psychology and sociology in particular; Real World Seduction brings to the conscious unconscious processes that deeply influence us, and allows both to escape from them and to play them; in short, to free oneself from them and to become a freer human being; conscious of himself and his actions.
Like most books with such concepts, Real World Seduction can serve both as a weapon for unscrupulous jerks; who will only think of manipulating women in the most egotistical way possible; or as a tool for men who want to go beyond their limits and barriers that prevent them from giving women the unforgettable moments; they want to create with them, obviously, with a whole range of possibilities between these two extremes.
As in Influence and Manipulation – the principles of which can otherwise be applied to seduction. And many other books; the subtle nuance between the weapon or tool will be linked to the ethics you have set for yourself.
As for the content you choose to use as a weapon or tool and that offers this book, “Real World Seduction “; I find it simultaneously extremely relevant, easy to access, and powerful. This book revolutionized my relationship with women and brought me more results than any other. Each chapter is full of examples, illustrations, and ends with a series of exercises; designed to understand and internalize the concepts.
More universal in scope
Moreover, as I said at the beginning of this chapter, many of the concepts he teaches are more universal in scope than mere seduction; and will serve you in many aspects of your life. Of course, these are not magic formulas that will apply in all circumstances; but, as in all the human sciences, an approach; an angle of attack to a problem that has its advantages and disadvantages; which seems to be particularly effective and honed.
It won’t change you overnight, of course, and will require practice for it to be internalized and to deliver results. As a matter of fact, Swinggcat designed it so that you read one chapter a week; using the week to practice the exercises he suggests. This serves as a guide that will show you the way for almost six months and will undoubtedly prove to be a very informative companion. For men with little or no experience wishing to regain control and to engage in seduction, the first step to overcome is the fear of approaching strangers, and for that, I cannot stress enough to join the seduction community, by visiting the French Touch Seduction forum or Verse le Jus, and then join a local seduction club – a lair.
Therefore, I recommend “Real World Seduction”; especially to men, of course, even though women may find an interest by it enabling them to bring to their conscious various processes; and factors that influence their thoughts and behaviors. It could revolutionize your life.
Strong points of Real World Seduction:
- Textbook for applied psychology and sociology
- Simple and accessible
- Many stories and anecdotes illustrating the points
- Powerful and relevant
- Exercises offered at the end of each chapter to understand the concepts
Weak points of Real World Seduction:
- Writes a bit too simplistically sometimes
- May cause a violent knee-jerk reaction
My rating :
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